well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
