its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
