just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i need some magic done to my vagina
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
