This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
