he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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