There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
