This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
