i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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