Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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