I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
