lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
