I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
