I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
