I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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