I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
this hospital has no fireball
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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