i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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