i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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