Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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