The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
