She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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