Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
