Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
