I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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