You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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