You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
