I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we're making bets on your personal life
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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