my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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