your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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