i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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