I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
