I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
