he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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