i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
