What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just blew my weed a kiss
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
