There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
