I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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