its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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