just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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