the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
