Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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