I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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