escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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