i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
