so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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