Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
