Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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