I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
