Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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