That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
