you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
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If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
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I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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