Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
only you would photoshop your dick
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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