Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
