First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
