Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
how does that bad decision feel?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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