guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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