Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
