Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
