he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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