I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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