I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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