if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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