Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
