Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
