Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
