p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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