I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
