I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
