I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
