party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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