that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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