THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
