Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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