okay pat passed out under dana's car
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
