You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
