He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
