you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
